Picture and Intro

The intention is to make you smile every day; if you get a good belly laugh; so much the better. Every day we will deliver a short(ish) joke or one amusing photograph or cartoon. There will be no endless lists of jokes or photographs... if you don't find it amusing... there's always tomorrow.

Being totally 'politically correct' is impossible with humour (or in life for that matter), and we have no intention of being that boring. Whilst there is no intention to cause offence to anyone, with the wide choice of topics, it's possible that your nationality/religion/political inclination... will supply the punch line, or butt, of a joke. If you're likely to take offence, please do not subscribe, stay sad. For the rest of us, let's laugh at ourselves, as well as others.

The contributions come from a variety of sources; some are 'home grown', some submitted by friends, and from now, some will be from YOU. If you wish to contribute a joke, amusing photograph, or cartoon, please submit it using this form.

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Saturday, 31 August 2013

Edinburgh Festival 2013 10 Worst #2

Geoff Norcott -
"My wife said to me recently, 'Do you fancy going gay clubbing?' I said,
'No, it sounds violent'."

Friday, 30 August 2013

Edinburgh Festival 2013 10 Best #2

Alex Horne -
"I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying."

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Edinburgh Festival 2013 10 Worst #1

Simon Lilley -
"I thought ex-pats were people who used to be called Pat."

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Edinburgh Festival 2013 10 Best #1

Rob Auton -
"I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar.
Could be a Chinese Wispa."

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Church Bulletin

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Monday, 26 August 2013

Sunday, 25 August 2013

Quotes on Government

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Will Rogers

Saturday, 24 August 2013

Kulula Airline announcements

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

Friday, 23 August 2013

Insults + Put-downs

"He chews more than he bites off"

Clover Adams on Henry James

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Blondes

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Monday, 19 August 2013

US Patrolman said...

"If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Tommy Cooper

My wife phoned me just before the show and said,
'I've got water in the carburettor,
I said 'Where's the car'
She said 'In the river'