When children put their spin on sayings...

Better late than pregnant.

The three bears

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my
porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks
into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my
porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with
you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who
woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It
was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put
everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch
The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter
tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs
and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully,
because I'm only going to say this once....


'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!'

Wonderful quotes

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women Drivers

Tommy Cooper

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

When women fail to supervise men...

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Modern Technology

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.'

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...

Wonderful quotes

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

- Alex Levine

When children put their spin on sayings...

Where there's smoke there's pollution.

Tommy Cooper

Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me
'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'

Women Drivers

Women Drivers

Hey... you didn't really believe yesterday's post... on April Fools day... surely not.

And it's good-bye from me and it's good-bye from him

Unfortunately, this will be the last post on this Blog.
Thank you all for all your support.