Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for
my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and I was in the check-out line when a
woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little
to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting
the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up
in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in
an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs
in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it
works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it
works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and
got hit by a car.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired
people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
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