"So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an
ice-cream'.
He said Hundreds & thousands?'
I said 'We'll start with one.'
He said 'Knickerbocker glory?'
I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
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Picture and Intro
The intention is to make you smile every day; if you get a good belly laugh; so much the better. Every day we will deliver a short(ish) joke or one amusing photograph or cartoon. There will be no endless lists of jokes or photographs... if you don't find it amusing... there's always tomorrow.Being totally 'politically correct' is impossible with humour (or in life for that matter), and we have no intention of being that boring. Whilst there is no intention to cause offence to anyone, with the wide choice of topics, it's possible that your nationality/religion/political inclination... will supply the punch line, or butt, of a joke. If you're likely to take offence, please do not subscribe, stay sad. For the rest of us, let's laugh at ourselves, as well as others.
The contributions come from a variety of sources; some are 'home grown', some submitted by friends, and from now, some will be from YOU. If you wish to contribute a joke, amusing photograph, or cartoon, please submit it using this form.
Monday, 9 December 2013
Sunday, 8 December 2013
US Patrolman said...
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
Saturday, 7 December 2013
Missing wife
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Friday, 6 December 2013
Wonderful quotes
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Thursday, 5 December 2013
Window cleaner
I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my house. I
think he's lost his rag.
think he's lost his rag.
Wednesday, 4 December 2013
Tuesday, 3 December 2013
Paddy and Mick
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year." Mick says, "Let's
hope it's not the 13th.
hope it's not the 13th.
Monday, 2 December 2013
US Patrolman said...
"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed
of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
Sunday, 1 December 2013
Tommy Cooper
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was brilliant.
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was brilliant.
Saturday, 30 November 2013
Paddy and Mick
Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the
shampoo?" Paddy says, "Yes, but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."
shampoo?" Paddy says, "Yes, but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."
Friday, 29 November 2013
Smart ass answers...
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As
a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your
stub.'
a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your
stub.'
Thursday, 28 November 2013
Wednesday, 27 November 2013
Quotes on Government
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the
taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain
taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain
Tuesday, 26 November 2013
US Patrolman said...
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or
I'll give you another ticket."
I'll give you another ticket."
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