Nostalgia for the 1950s

Labrador

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really, ." says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

Les Dawson - My family and other animals

My father was a keen trades unionist. He insisted on a tea break on his wedding night.

Thoughts to ponder...

In the 1960's, people took acid to make the world look weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it look normal.

Observations...

A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. She asked, 'Do
you have Viagra?' 'Yes,' he answered.

She asked, 'Does it work?' 'Yes,' he answered.

'Can you get it over the counter?' she asked. 'I can if I take two,' he
answered.

When women fail to supervise men...

Tommy Cooper

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."

Proof that the world is nuts...

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

Real airline 'gripe sheet'...

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Nostalgia for the 1950s

Doormats

Ouch

A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related...

Understanding engineers

An engineer was passing a pond one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's something."

Irish divers

After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still full.

A Man's Life in 3 Pictures

Les Dawson - His own worst critic

I'm so far behind with the mortgage repayments that the arrears are written in Latin.

New Apple Product

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod, after realising that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.

They walk among us...

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.

He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

Women Drivers

Relationships

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another -

'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'

'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'

Nostalgia for the 1950s

Real airline 'gripe sheet'...

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Proof that the world is nuts...

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

Peter Cook

I am blind, but I am able to read thanks to a wonderful new system known as broil. I'm sorry, I'll just feel that again.

When children put their spin on sayings...

Happy the bride who gets all the presents.

Nostalgia for the 1950s

Tommy Cooper

I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?',
I said (butchly) 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.
' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.'
He said 'Camper?
' I said (campily) 'Make your mind up.'

Thoughts to ponder...

Life is sexually transmitted.

Nostalgia for the 1950s

Real airline 'gripe sheet'...

P: Aircraft handles funny...........

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.